This one feels a little raw.
What has been the most difficult part of my tango journey?
For a while, I thought I was doing okay. I’ve never been a super confident person. I take things to heart. I worry if I think I’ve unknowingly let someone down.
I was going to classes. I had a fabulous teacher. Lovely fellow students. I felt reasonably happy with my progress.
And then — out of nowhere — I lost all confidence.
My body would shake from head to toe. I couldn’t stop it. Sometimes I had to go and lie down because I physically couldn’t stand. It frightened the heck out of me.
I had no idea why it was happening.
No one had done anything wrong. Leaders would gently ask why I was so nervous and shaking. I truly didn’t know. But inside, I was terrified that no one would ever want to dance with me — which only made things worse.
But I’m not someone who caves when things get hard. I love tango. There was no way I was going to let whatever this was defeat me.
So I started paying closer attention to what was happening.
How was I feeling on the way to class?
What was my self-talk like?
How was I feeling when I danced?
What thoughts were running through my mind?
And then… the penny dropped.
Me.
I had created it.
Not intentionally. But my fear of disappointing someone — of not being good enough — had manifested in my body. I was so worried about letting leaders down that my nervous system took over.
Realising that was a huge relief.
Because if I had created it… then by hook or by crook I could also change it.
I began reframing my self-talk.
I’m learning.
I’m doing my best.
I am allowed to grow at my own pace.
First for me. Then for my leaders.
I had to learn to offer myself the same empathy, patience, and quiet encouragement that I so easily gave to others.
Working through it is something I’m incredibly proud of.
It wasn’t tango.
It was me learning how to sit with vulnerability — and not let it win.
Keep it simple. Keep it connected.
Megita 🤍
If this reflection resonated with you, you’re welcome to follow along. I share a new Tango Thought each month.